Chest Supported Machine Row

Every time I do this exercise, I imagine myself in a saddle boat speedrunning the Pacific Ocean. I can feel every muscle fiber and subatomic particle in my back. Absolute amazing mind-muscle connection. Next thing you know, I find myself lodged in the spacetime continuum, rowing to 1700 B.C. With each row, tremors occur along Pangea and goosebumps fill the native organisms. Entire ecosystems have been eradicated, and many species cease to exist. Back to modern day, anarchy ensues and the Purge begins. How lovely!

Straight Arm Pulldown

The more I do this exercise, the more I enjoy it. This exercise might be crowned as my favorite in the near future. My form was a bit off at first, right; I didn't really feel any engagement in my lats. But one day, I felt both of my wings just pulsate with a shockwave that covered my entire back. That was probably the most stimulating thing that has happened to me in the gym. That was the day my life changed. Since then, I've corrected my form, and I will continue to preach this exercise. I am currently salivating and drooling uncontrollably at the thought of doing this exercise.

Seated Cable Row

Unlike the machine row, this exercise does not provide any support. But no matter, this is still a magnificent exercise. In fact, I think this exercise is pretty much the staple of all back exercises. Double in fact, this exercise should be a staple for all gym goers. Plus, there are many different variations of this exercise mainly due to the various attachments you can use. This exercise really serves as the standard for the whole paradigm of back exercises.

Lat Pulldown

Oh man, ranking these top 4 back exercises was very hard. I honestly don't know how the amazing and glorious Lat Pulldown got fourth place. But anywho, I adore this exercise beyond comprehension; the amount of dropsets I do on this exercise is absurd. I don't know what it is about this exercise, but it keeps me hooked and practically addicted. I do this exercise with so much passion that I feel like a backwards cunt sometimes. I don't know what a backwards cunts is, but I've heard Conor McGregor say it as an insult before, and I thought it was quite comical.

Close Grip Lat Pulldown

This exercise is honestly just an excuse to do Lat Pulldowns more. I have zero clue whether or not doing Lat Pulldowns with a close grip is effective or not in terms of muscular usage. But alas, the desire to do more Lat Pulldowns exceeds my care for that. I want to grow wings, do you understand? I want my Lats to triple the size of my torso. I want to be the next Buzz Lightyear. I also believe that doing Lat Pulldowns has turned me into sort of a lunatic I must say.

T-Bar Row

To be frank, this exercise could be number one, but I've only done it a few times, so I cannot judge it properly. At my old gym, the machine or platform to perform this exercise on was very old and was taken out. My beloved, gone just like that. I was so devastated I almost took out the suitcase that contained a device filled with gunpowder. I wish I got to spend more time doing T-Bar rows. Until we meet again...

Pull Ups

Wooo go Calisthenics! I genuinely think this is an underrated exercise. Not only do you not have to wait for the Lat Pulldown, but this exercise may even be more effective. That is, if you can do a good amount of reps. However, you don't have to wait until you can Lat Pulldown your bodyweight before you can do Pull Ups. I currently Lat Pulldown 10 pounds less than my bodyweight for working weight, but I can still do approximately 12 good Pull Ups. I actually need to start integrating Pull Ups in my program.

Face Pull

I know this exercise works your Rear Deltoids more than your Trapezius, but I like to imagine that my Trapezius is doing all the work. Plus, this exercise feels a bit awkward. Further, a lot of people don't recommend this exercise as it can damage your shoulder. For once, I actually don't feel any pain in my shoulder when doing this exercise. But I did mention that it is a little awkward to perform. Therefore, I only do this exercise on the days that I feel like it, which is pretty rare.

Single Arm Lat Pulldown

I have seen many people do this exercise and that has sparked an interest within my curious mind. This caused a desire to perform this exercise, and so I did. It was rather sensational to say the least. Both lats felt like as if a porcupine had been shoved inside each. Although the experience was sensational, I actually prefer to perform a regular Lat Pulldown. Plot twist! Just like the cable lateral raise, this exercise takes double the time since it isolates the left and right sides. Plus, I can reach this level of sensation by just doing regular Lat Pulldowns. Granted, it won't be as scrumptious, but I don't mind.

Bent Over Row

I've never gone heavy on this exercise because I'm afraid my lower back will snap, and I'll get folded like a lawn chair. But then again, I have no problem going heavy on Romanian Deadlifts, so maybe it's time for me to start actually doing Bent Over Rows. Or maybe not. I don't know. I feel like what I'm doing right now is perfectly fine; it's just a matter of consistency and time now. Eating and sleeping as well. Overall, this exercise is liked by many, but not so much by me.

Dumbbell Row

BOOOO. I have no desire to do this exercise. The exercise feels very uncomfortable and just maladroit. However, I will say that the movement actually feels pretty good due to the amount of freedom using the dumbbells. But everything else is wonky. Your body just doesn't feel right in that position. I feel like a straight bastard! Plus, my supporting arm gives out faster than I can finish the set, and I don't think my triceps are lacking at all. I think it's just the way I do the exercise. Maybe I'm the problem. I do think that the college experience has unleashed the demented version of myself into reality.

Shrugs

Whatever.

Upright Row

So apparently, this exercise is for the shoulders? Specifically, the lateral deltoids? I've always thought this was just an exercise for the Trapezius. But that doesn't matter. I wouldn't know, and I don't really care. This is a horrid exercise. I mean, who in the right mind does this exercise and thinks that this is enjoyable. At most, this exercise is just a modifed Shrug. Therefore, this exercise should be at most a whatever. Also, this exercise is supposedly detrimental to your shoulder joints. I would believe them. Considering how unsatisfying this exercise is, I would assume that doing this exercise will cause your shoulders to go kablooey immediately.

Barbell Pullover

Doing a Straight Arm Pulldown is far easier and superior. Just do a Straight Arm Pulldown. Also, this exercise apparently uses the pectoral muscles. Also also, I saw a pullover machine that looks beyond perfect. I desire to use that machine one day and utterly destroy my lats. I swear that machine looked scrumptious. I would go haywire on that machine and do unspeakable things. My lats would become so massive, and I would be able to soar the skies.